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| somebody told me your unhappy,
but it doesn't show
somebody told me you don't want me no more,
so you're walking out the door
nobody told me that you fell out of love from me,
so i'm setting you free
let me be the one to break it up,
so you don't have to make excuses
we don't need to find a set up where
someone wins &someone loses
we just have to say our love was true
but has now become a lie,
so i'm telling you i love you one last time
& goodbye..
somebody told me that you want to come back when
our love is real again
just turn around &walk away
you don't have to live like this
but if you love me still then stay
don't keep me waiting for that final kiss
we can work togther for this test
or we can work through it apart
i just need to get this off my chest
that you will always have my heart
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| " i want to know what it feels like to be happy again."
ok soo.. the past few weeks have been really nice. spending time with bestfriends, "good" friends, & the boyfriend<3.. this month is the most amazing & the best by far. so in january right: maroon five live, beaching, moon bouncing, crepe's, shining stars & supernovas with someone you <3, rope climbing, starbucks, juicing, chilling, dying haair (kind of), living in denny's, girls crying over food, mission impossibles, pare's & stupid girl who won't fucking confess, watching fights, really good calamari, avoiding udrive, millions of inside jokes, steph's birthday, new haircut, sam's club & croisants, never leaving a house, parks & swings, meeting the colest bands ;), chicken fingers, childlike behavior with cotton candy & tag, fruit snacks, someone who takes care of you, seeing old friends, napolean dynamite hxc, cheesecake, driving!, ballerina shoes with the help of feeny, hooters, st. paul the apostle church, non-addiction to life plaza, simply irresistable, a dozen roses, java night, april's party, dancing like an idiot, old feelings, a stupid cupid, ditching confirmation, the finish of finals. but the thing is, i go out so much i avoid having to think about how i feel. i don't even know where i put my fucking heart. i don't know what to fucking feel anymore.
i'll be just fine. pretending im not, im far from lonely & it's all that i've got.
a good thing about the past few weeks was finding out chrinesa's a lesbian & the new semester. i'm trying really hard not to fuck up this year, even though i've already started to. i want someone to save me. because i can't save myself. | | |
| i forgive too easily & i love too quickly.
sooo.. this week has been horrible. just like last week.. umn i really super love my friends. ok so this weekend i`m going on a retreat and i`m suppose to be packing right now. ok so i don`t need your advice, because im not going to take it anyways. i honestly want to, too bad i can`t. i`ll update after the retreat. PEACE.
i hate being so fucking weak. i hate it.
____edit
TRUST. it's not so easy. i need to forgive and seek to be forgiven. this retreat was pretty awesome & i want to be close to Jesus. but how? the person i am is so pathetic. i`ve been praying because i know i`m weak & it just doesn't help. i had such a great weekend, only to come back to the same things i left behind. i thought all these changes over the weekend would do something, but i guess not.. i love my boyfriend, but it seems like everything in the world just doesn't want us to be together. ok so breakup? that`s not an option, not for me. i`m the type of person that never gives up. wow. so i already got back & i`m still worried about him &`only him. i want to care about something else. but i can`t. ok so i got beautiful letters during the retreat from my group leaders, parents, cousins, aunts & uncles, & friends. (thank you miss ramos) and i just want to appreaciate more. but all i seem to worry about is marlon. trust = base of relationship. & that doesn`t seem to be working right now. so pray for me PLEASE? because right now, all i need is help..
all in all the retreat was awesome, i missed marlon lots but Jesus was there too =) ok so i froze my butt off but i learned to be a better person. Jesus all the way man. i know he loves me a super lot.
marlon`s mother is the sweetest. so the night i came back from the retreat i wasn`t expecting to see marlon at all because of his busy days at work and blah. but SUNDAY night marlon`s mom offered to come to my house with him & also offered pancit and menudo. WOW. so i saw marlon last night & he left close to midnight. the food was amazing. =) it was so wonderful.
<3; ash | | |
| new layout.
so like there are a million x 100 people here. all my relatives that live in vegas occupy this household & my only escape is this freaking computer. anyways, so lately this weeks been horrible. the only good parts were hanging out with miss abby x & shopping. k well thats all. um the T mobile sidekick 2 commercial is soo cool. makes me happy. | | |
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